


Haven

by Brihna



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, Coping, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Q has bad days, bond helps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 17:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8542576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brihna/pseuds/Brihna
Summary: In the constant battle with depression, some days are worse than others. Q learns that he need not suffer alone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was initially meant to be a purely self indulgent fluffy drabble for No Shame November, but it sort of took on a slightly more serious tone. I’ve been playing with the headcanon that Q suffers from major depression and anxiety and have been meaning to write something for a while now. Given the state of mind I’ve been in myself for the past few days I thought it a good opportunity to express the struggle.
> 
> Enjoy.

_haven  (noun): any place of shelter and safety; refuge; asylum._

 

It was mid afternoon and Q was lying in bed, a familiar heaviness in his chest having sapped him of all energy and motivation. He’d gotten up that morning to have breakfast with James before he left for his debrief. Everything was fine; James groused about having to go in and Q chided him to just bloody get it over with so they could go on about their weekend. James said something cheeky and pulled him in for a kiss, then he was out the door. It was just after he’d left that the heaviness set in, like it had been lurking in the shadows, waiting until he was alone. He took a shower and slipped into a clean pair of pajamas before deciding to return to his bed where it was warm and quiet and the sheets still smelled like James. He’d been disinclined to move ever since.

The cats, it seemed, had disappeared to some other part of the house, likely seeking some sun warmed spot to nap, leaving Q alone in his room, stretched across the bed. He was grateful that it was Saturday. He didn’t have the energy to so much as get up and look for the cats, let alone go into the office and put forth that air of put-together-ness he always did when he wasn’t at his best. Still, he hated feeling like this. No matter how many good days he had the bad days always outweighed them, making him feel like a failure. And James still didn’t know.

They’d unofficially started living together around three months ago; more and more of James’ things having taken up residence in Q’s flat. Q hadn’t had a bad day in a while- at least not when James was around to see it instead of being on the other side of the world somewhere. He knew it was a conversation they should probably have, but he couldn’t bring himself to broach the subject. He was so afraid of what he would say, or that he would treat him differently. Q rolled over onto his side, shifting more to James’ side of the bed so that his back was to the door as all his fears started to resurface. He closed his eyes and tried to will the thoughts away, just as he always did.

He must have drifted off because he didn’t notice James’ return until the bed shifted beside him.

“Q?”

He opened his eyes to find James sitting on the edge of the bed in shirt and tie, having discarded his jacket somewhere. There was a crease in his brow as blue eyes studied him with concern. A callused palm pushed back his hair and came to rest on his forehead. “Are you alright? Are you ill?”

Q blinked and shook his head. “M’not ill.”

“Well, you don’t feel warm,” James conceded, carding his fingers through his hair. But that, it seemed, wasn’t a sufficient answer. “What’s wrong?”

He shrugged. “Just tired,” he said, which was not untrue even if it wasn’t the whole truth.

James frowned. “So you decided to go back to bed with your glasses on?”

Q blinked. Oh. He hadn’t even noticed. He gave another shrug and allowed his eyes to fall closed once more. He felt James’ palm slide down to rest against his cheek.

“Q. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He glanced up at his lover, noting the stubborn tilt to his jaw and realized that he was not about to let this go. He heaved a sigh. “Nothing,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong. I just…” Q rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes behind his glasses. “I don’t know how to explain.”

There was a long pause in which Q did not uncover his eyes, the only sound he could hear being his own breathing.

Finally, James spoke. “Does this have anything to do with the bottle of pills I found hidden in your sock drawer?”

Q dropped his hands, sliding up to sit against the headboard with wide eyes. “How did-? When-?”

James shook his head. “Relax, Q. I wasn’t spying on you. I happened to find them just before I left. It was the middle of the night and I was trying to find you a pair of socks.” His mouth ticked up at the corner. “I don’t know if you know this, but your feet get bloody cold at night.”

When Q continued to look stricken, his grin faded. “Q, there’s nothing wrong with needing to be on anti-depressants.”

Q wrapped his arms around his knees, drawing them up to his chest. “Tell that to everyone else I’ve ever told,” he said. “The last boyfriend I had told me I was crazy.”

“Well I’m not everyone else and that guy was an idiot,” James answered. He lifted a hand, brushing a thumb across his cheek. “You’re fucking brilliant.”

As Q refused to meet his gaze he suddenly found himself being pulled against a strong chest, his head tucked under James’ chin. James held him tightly, and after a moment Q finally began to relax into the embrace. He felt a hand smooth up and down his back.

“What do you think triggered it today?” James asked after a lengthy silence.

Q sighed heavily against his chest. “Nothing. That’s why it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” said James. “What can I do?”

Q thought for a moment and gave a shrug. He honestly had no idea what he needed right now and his verbal communication was starting to break down.

“How about a distraction?” he asked. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

He shook his head furiously.

“Alright,” said James. “Do you want me to leave you alone and let you go back to sleep?”

Again, he shook his head, hugging him tighter.

“Okay.” There was a period of silence while James paused to think, the fingers in Q’s hair scratching lightly at his scalp and causing him to drift again. “Do you just want to lie down for a while and let me rub your back?”

Q hesitated only briefly, then he nodded.

“Alright,” said James. “Let me get changed and I’ll be in.”

 

James soon returned dressed in a faded t-shirt and cotton sleep pants as he climbed into bed. No sooner had he settled with his back to the headboard then Q stretched out across his lap, lying on his stomach. James gave him a tap and he handed off his glasses which he then set carefully on the nightstand. Once they both got settled James tugged at the back of his t-shirt until it had loosened up enough for him to slide his hand underneath.

Q breathed a contented sigh as James raked his nails lightly up and down his back, tracing idle patterns against his skin. Now, he knew first hand that the man gave excellent massages, which he often indulged in following a particularly long or difficult work day, but in some ways, he felt he liked this better. A good massage usually called for a little rough handling, but nothing really relaxed him more than the light press of fingers skating up and down his back.

James chuckled at the low hum he made at the back of his throat- a noise that quite resembled a feline purr- as he scratched lightly at the back of his neck before moving down between his shoulder blades. “I think you’re turning into one of the cats,” he teased, not for the first time.

“M’not,” Q mumbled into the crook of his arm.

James just chuckled and slid his hand back down to tease at his side, making him squirm. “Sit still,” he chided playfully.

“Don’t tickle me,” said Q, settling down once more.

 

They stayed like that for a long time until Q was starting to fall asleep and James’ legs began to go numb. But as Q still had no motivation to get out of bed, James simply laid down beside him, one arm draped over his side or fingers tracing patterns on his arm.

Q rolled onto his back as he felt the brush of lips against the back of his neck and then behind his ear and they began trading lazy kisses in the afternoon light. James peppered kisses along his jaw and down the pale column of his throat, determined to cover every inch of skin. Q was half asleep and didn’t really notice James disappear beneath the covers until there were hands pushing up his t-shirt and he felt a brush of lips against his belly, drawing a gasp.

“Stop moving,” James teased, both hands braced at the sides of his ribs, keeping his shirt pushed up and holding him in place.

Gooseflesh rose along the flat planes of his stomach in the open air as James lowered himself once more. Q giggled as he pressed a kiss to his navel, which James, apparently, decided to take as encouragement as he spent the next several minutes covering his tummy with kisses and tickling him lightly with his fingers until Q was a giggling mess.

As Q lay with his head on James’ chest later in the evening, listening to the deep rumble of his voice as he called for take away, he realized that some of the weight from before had lifted. The bad days, he knew, would still come. It was the nature of the beast. But at least now he knew he had someone with which to weather the storm.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave your thoughts in the comments. :)


End file.
